Bo's Little Black Book

Raya, it was a bit different in particular.

I can't really remember when was exactly the last time we did the customary 'visiting' bit during raya. Surprisingly, we did this year. Yesterday.

My first sis-in-law, my nephew and 2 nieces spent raya here. We didn't know that my stupid brother actually planned to dump them here after breaking the news that he just got married with one of his affairs mid this year (during their my brother spilt up with his 1st wife). He left his family to spend raya with his new wife and her family. jerk! he's such a drama queen (or should it be king instead?). anyway.. i hate him for that. men are just useless.

speaking of men.. papa is spending raya here this year.  he said that this year should be his 3rd wife turn but she's celebrating back her hometown, Jakarta so papa is spending raya with us instead. probably next year.. he'll get to spend it with his Indonesian wife.. she'll be here next year i think.

hey i didnt realize that i hav sooooo many good looking men in my family. i hav never though that they'll grow up to be handsome young men. seriously. am not making things up. they are my young cousins. like i said, my family and I have not been 'socializing' that much for more that 10 years so basically, the last thing i remembered about most of them is when i was giving 'money gift' during our last raya (ages ago).. and that's it. 

one family in particular was my mum's sister's family. in short.. my aunt and her family. we had a history back then. during my parents rocky period (when she got to know about papa's 2nd family), mama turned to my aunt (her sister) for comfort. it lasted for a few months and i guess my aunt couldnt take it (the additional emational burden) anymore and ditched my mum. she started spreading rumours about my family, especially my mum. not just here in KL, but to the family in Penang as well. it was really bad. 

she said that my mum was trying to seduce his husband. my brothes took drugs and was thrown of uni. one turned bad and went to prison. i left school and became a slut. my sister skipped school and i forgot wat was said more about her. arent the rumours just too much? i dont really know what was the reason for all this alledgment. as i remembered, we didnt do anything towards their family except for asking the only famiy my mum has in KL for comfort during her bad experiance with papa. her sister doesnt really care i guess.

anyway, she came by yesterday. apparently she came earlier a couple of months before seekinng for forgiveness from mama. she wanted to do her small-hajj. Mama forgave her and they have been contacting each other almost every week. yeah probably mama has forgiven her but i can still remember how she acted upon our family. we thot they cared but they just didnt bother. i didnt want meet them at 1st but mama beg us to forget about the past. so pulling my fake smile, i woke up of bed (was sleeping prior to that), looked at the mirror, tried to hand straightened by crumpled baju kurung (didnt work tho), and went downstairs. There they were, looking all pretty with their fake smiles.. i do apologize for being skeptical but i feel so indifferent towards them. 

we talked and updated each other on information. i didnt want to reveal much info. dont want em suddenly to do a background check on  me (hey what do u think? they are gossipers). and then is when i saw their grown up little boys. one is 20 and another is 15. i cant even recoginze them.. all tall and handsome. tell u the truth.. if i see them out in public before.. i might check em out (only a little due to the age gap.. hehe).. they used to be babies where they pestered me everytime i came to their place. they look so different now.

then i realize how far was the distance between my extended family and i. this was the effect of a broken family. wat a harmless divorce (which i thot was a harmless back) actually unconciously made a great impact in my life. i have never thot of it that wat. before.. ive always thot that with or without the 'first' divorce.. my parents will always be the same. dispiteful of each other. getting on both nerves everyday. so it's my job to stop caring about them and start looking out for myself.