Bo's Little Black Book

He called. Finally. After 2 long quiet months.

I can’t remember if I told you this that I have actually sent an ultimatum email about a few weeks ago. About 3 weeks before his 'reappearance'. That was the last email. I wrote that if he doest call me before his birthday, on the 11th November, I’d understand that he's finally gone. For good.

To my surprise, just about 2 hours before the countdown to his birthday (2000hrs @ 10/11 his time and mine at 1400hrs @ 11/11) he called. I didn’t know what to do.. or say. He was mumbling. He sounds terrified. I think he was trying to be a man about it. The conversation went something like this.

Him: Bo?
Me: yeah
Him: hmmm..
Me: hey TNG, happy birthday.
Him: thanks. Am sorry I didn’t call. I just got your emails.
Me: righhhhhttttt.. (Accidentally, full or sarcasm)
Him:......
Me: are you alright?
Him: yeah I am
Me: u don’t sound alright
Him: I just got back. I was not in the country. But I was really really near you.
Me: Okie
Him: I was really near you. Am sorry that I didn’t call you. I can explain.. But then u'll think that I am making excuses. I was not ignoring you.
Me: Okie
Him:...
Me: TNG, I just don’t feel like talking right now.
Him: I totally understand and respect your decision.
Me:..
Him: Okie then.. Bye..
Me: bye TNG
*The phone line went dead.

I was soooooo shocked! I just don’t know what to say. He caught me by surprise. Tell you the truth.. I had everything planned. I was waiting for the clock to strike 4pm, so that it will be midnight at his place and then I’ll just text him a simple birthday wish. Which officially tells myself, that's it. No more confusions from him. I just didn’t understand why he would do that. Call me.. When he can just text me instead..

I actually cried right after the call. It seems that my life is crumbling on me again. With the same reason.. Men.. Damn it! I just hate them! When I was just able to accept that he's ignoring me.. Then he comes back. TNG.. U are the most wicked man in the whole wide world.

But that was not the last time I heard from him. He actually called me again. The same night. And here goes the conversation..

Him: hi Bo
Me: owh hi TNG. hMmm.. What time is it now?
Him: it's 1030am here. What time is it over there?
Me: it's 230am
Him: owh sorry. But I just need to tell you something
Me: huh?
Him: *mumble mumble mumble*
Me: huh? Sorry? The line is bad. What is it again?
Him: I care for you, Bo
Me: righhhttttttt (the same accidentally full of sarcasm reply)
Him:....
me:....
him: are you going to work tomorrow?
me: yeah
him: well, then I should let you sleep. am sorry if I interrupted your sleep
me: it's Okie..
him: bye Bo
me: bye TNG. have a wonderful birthday.
him: thanks.
*I ended the conversation by clicking the red button.

there.. the last point of contact we had. I couldn’t sleep after that. kept thinking about him. I desperately wanted to hear his reasons.. but I know am just trying to fool myself. he doesn’t have any real concrete reason for doing what he did to me. 2 fucking silence MONTH!! what reason do you have for that?

I know he went back to Thailand for his friend's wedding. that was what he meant by he was near to me. he should have called. or probably drop me a text msg. but he didn’t. and I have actually texted him once.. but the reply was disappointing. as though he didn’t know my number. that was exactly after a month of his disappearance act.

I wish he could just leave me like that. I didn’t know what was intention for calling me and saying those you-care-about-you shit. it has been a week after his last call. he's back on silent mode again. I just don’t understand what he's doing to me. but I came up with several 'reasons' why he was acting so weird:

1. He's married.
2. He finally realizes that our so-called relationship just couldn’t work. the distance is too damn bloody a lot.
3. He got back to his ex gf
4, He's going to be posted in Iraq. he once told me that his boss offered him for a post there. good money but very risky, and I told him not to.. coz it's dangerous.
5. He just plain playing with me. he never had any interest in having a serious relationship with me.

that’s the best possible reasons (or rather excuses for me to feel good about). but I know that I have been plain screwed. he doesn’t have a reason. he just wants me out of his life.

I sent a final email to him. stating that I didn’t know how to react when he called. but I didn’t receive a reply. deep down I wanted him to reply. to explain.. and beg me to forgive him. but that's only a thought. which will never happened. I know I know.. pathetic Bo!

so here goes.. am gonna delete him from my life and move on. first thing first.. I need to find a rebound guy. a new rebound guy.. I need to get laid. the last laid I had was with Mr. Single Malt about a month ago. I need fresh meat.

I don’t know how and where am gonna find one. but am gonna ;)